This week's caption competition is startling:
Photo courtesy of The Royal Gazette
As a demonstration of my Goodwill my first action will be to hire Johnny so he can take over my job in three years.
"We need to stop the racial sterotyping. Like this Sven thing: what's the deal with that? How many frikkin Swedes named Sven are there in Bermuda anyway?"
'Goodwill', I don't know whether to laugh or cry...
and I don't know whether to live or die.
"Oh man, only 8 more days until the Privy Council and no Tiger in my tank."
You say Tiger decided not to come because Johnny didn't want to play golf?
Sven you say my 3 years will be up?
I've got a better idea. Instead of hiring Sven to work in Bermuda and having to pay Johnny as well, I'll just move the operation to Halifax like everyone else has been doing.
Mincy: "In this study, I intend to show that the proliferation of new hotels, the renaming of holidays, and the forced hiring of Bermudians by international business are not the answer to helping Bermuda's young black males."
Brown thinking: "WTF?!?"
Ewart: He won't turn in his report until 2009 so this buys me some time. Now back to making money for lil ole me!
"Hmmmm $400,000.... So, 200,000 for me $150,000 for the "study"... Lets see which holiday can I get for $50,000"
Now that all the holidays have been renamed, I just want to know what to do with the E-Wart tree next December?
And if I'm supposed to top it with a statue of the main man, where exactly do I stick the tree?
cram time before the election...let's look busy
Sven addresses the press as Johnny looks on.
IB Personals: Johnny, a Bermudian who recently graduated from secondary school, seeks hard working educated ex-patriate named Sven for short term casual relationship. Must be willing to train to CEO level or better. Interested parties may respond c/o the Department of Immigration.
Now you all understand I'm not just your ordinary "Johnny-come-lately" ... Sven here has done an excellent job of edumacating me and I wish him well on his upcoming global repositioning.
Ewart: "I miss my moustache ... darn pesky elections."
EB - "Meet Sven Boris Svensen, the Stem Cell Scientist here on the 3YGW+..... Hey, Glen-boy, write that down quick.... 3YGW+.... that's GREAT! The public will never understand what that means..... Gosh, I'm so very smart. That's why I'm President... uh, I mean, Premier."
"What are we gonna do tonight Brain?". "The same thing we do every night Pinky. Plan how to take-over the world!".
Mincy: "I don't what he expects an old man like me to do with Bermuda's young black males...I'm only here for the money!"
EB: (thinking: I can't believe he said that.)
ATTACK OF THE ZOMBIE PREMIER! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
At the press conference, a reporter asks if Mincy's study will include ferry pilots.
While inwardly smug about the elegant simplicity of Goodwill Plus, Dr. Brown suddenly realizes that Johnny, in typical North American reference, is white.
What's up with all these experts wearing a five o'clock shadow?
Damn - this guy does sound smart. I hope he doesn't screw up my dumb down program.
In a flash of horrible misjudgement, Ewart notices Wanda wearing his "qlq" t-shirt
Mincy - "Blah blah blah blah, I'm from OVERSEAS so that automatically makes me an EXPERT, blah blah blah blah".
EB inner monologue - "Crap! I think I left the iron on."
Ewart's stomach rumbles, he craves........ He is transported to another world (a better place) as he dreams of devouring creamy, fluffy, white mayonnaise with anything he can get his hands on.
WHAT?!!!? $400,000.00, and all you can come up with is that they are all 'Mamma's boys?
My good friend E-wart has already written the executive summary (which blames the English or the Governor or something like that), but I am being paid this huge sum huge sum to create the back-up documentation - quite a difficult task I tell you!
The first thing we've got to do is focus on dyslexia. After all, Johnny won't be able to find work if he can't recognize the difference between a "p" and a "q".
Earlier comment should have read:
Mincy: "I don't know what he expects an old man like me to do with Bermuda's young black males...I'm only here for the money!"
EB: (thinking) I can't believe he said that.
Well I'm an expert in anthropology. I'm really here to help the Premier learn how to answer and apologize.
This introduction Southlands 'pre-waxing' is ..well ya know,,gotta keep a stiff upper LIP Oops did I say that ? Must have left out the other "P".
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