Politics.bm

I'll bet you are wondering how I can stay so thin after spending $27,000 on business lunches. Well, you see, most of it was for "gratuities". Wink wink nudge nudge.

'Cause I gotta have faith

'Cause I gotta have faith

Here's my new plan for "Graft Based Tourism".

Dr Brown proudly announced his proposed replacement for the post of Auditor General.

$27,000 in business lunches may sound like a lot, but you get these extra large napkins which are quite versatile--see, I was able to fit all of my explainations for what happened to the public funds on it when I made them up last night.

New Suit: $2,000.00
New Tie: $90.00
Haircut: $30.00

Two days locked away with a new laptop, Microsoft XL, Word and a laser printer: Priceless. I mean, uh, $400,000.

"Now, if you bring your nose out from the paper and cross your eyes a bit, you should be able to make out the shape of a fish. I think this one's a red herring."

-At the Magic Eye Conference

"But as you can clearly see, the First Choice Construction pension deficit is now zero."

Yes, that's correct - I'm counting my prayer on Thaao's show as an "event"

Mr. Curtis, the creator of "This IS the Um Um Show", explains the "faith" in Faith-Based Tourism

Look here, they are all written down.....five minutes ago.

In a rare display of political cunning, the UBP unveils its secret weapon.

Again, Um Um, I apologize that my PowerPoint presentation is not available... but Um Um, you should be able to see these tiny figures here... they represent, Oh not them, Um Um, thse over here...

Ohmigosh, are you gay too?

...and Event #4 has the working title "If lovin' the lord is wrong, I don't wanna be right". Event #5 is "I know you need salvation, by my momma needs a new Cadillac"...

Andre realises he should have stuck to the tried & tested 'dog ate my homework' excuse.

Putting the 'con' into 'press conference.'

As God is my witness, I thought Ewart told me "take the money and do what you want in NYC", but it seems he said "take the money to Wanda and hide the cedar".

How did I spend $27,000 on lunches? Well, when he told me to "settle some scores" I thought he said "Go to Scores", and the rest is history.

"$27,000? Have you eaten at Greg's Steakhouse lately?"

It was at this moment that Curtis realized he had grabbed the wrong briefcase and was in fact trying to explain his wife's needlepoint pattern.

Taking a page out of Zane's book Andre explained that just because he wrote cheques out to himself, Vision Construction and Emerald Financial, it didn't mean he actually sent them.

After thousands of years, hidden in a "Mount Cedar" chest, the "Eleventh" commandment is revealed according to a faith based spokesman.
No "De Nile" questions were answered.

"Bingo!"

"Bingo"?. It's legal in Bermuda but that is why I have the paper trail. If only the Clerk to the Lagassslaycha would wipe things clean.

My dog at the accounting report... Sorry, this is all I can remember...

My dog ate the accounting report. Sorry, this is all I could remember..

Zane said he was a "wheeler dealer" and that he always "looked for the best deal for himself." Sounds like a good reason to join the PLP. Come to think of it, he'll be in good company with us. Here's my resume. Is there a constituency for me to run in?

'Press Indoctrination Session Sanctioned - Official' or (PISS-OFF), Andre 'The Pirate', (you gotta admit, with the ear rings and beardy-thing, he must be going for the old Jack Sparrow in a cheap suit look), unveiled his Party's strategy for Faith-Based tourism. He states that the toilet roll, used to record the plans, was paid for by Uberfuerher Brown himself and not tax-payer money. Before the session started, Andre claimed 'I did it all by myself'.
We say - Kudos Andre, kudos.

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